Thursday, April 28, 2011

i believe, but do i really?

Experience makes words on a page come to life. Scripture can mean one thing at one point in your life, but come alive in a completely different way depending on what you are currently going through in your life. I have definitely found this to be true over the last 4 months.

And not only this, but we find out what we truly believe when "life happens". I can say that I believe God is good (and think that I really do believe it), but then a friend has a miscarriage or I watch someone suffer from unexplainable pain and health problems or death comes unexpectedly where it doesn't seem to belong. And it's through those realities that my true beliefs are revealed.

I've spent most of life claiming the label "healthy". In January, I earned the new label "sick". Despite this, I can still (easily) say that I believe in God's goodness. Most of the time. There are many times I still have to choose to persevere in this belief. Because to be completely honest, I don't like being sick. I prefer not to have migraines, pain, fevers, dizziness, etc. (And I am actually blessed to have days where I feel completely normal.) I don't much appreciate the steroid cheeks, stretch marks, peeling skin, and general weakness. But when I'm feverish and miserably drenched in ice cold water in a hospital bed, or am tempted to think that my worth is found in how I look now, I have to choose to believe truth instead. To trust that my identity and worth are found in Christ. That God does have a plan and that He will work all things together for good. That I can draw near to the throne of grace to receive mercy in times of need.

Four months ago, I could read these verses, accept them easily and believe them without thinking twice about it. Now when I read them, my eyes well up with tears because I know that this truth, these promises, are alive and active. That God can be trusted. That the Spirit does give joy in the midst of trial.

What about you? Have you seen Scripture come alive in new ways at different points in your life?

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