Thursday, July 28, 2011

Open letter to Russia

Note to Western readers: this post will be more enjoyable if you have this playing in the background.

Dear Russia,

Please stop being so creepy. Yes, I’ve seen you. You thought that I didn’t know that you’ve been checking up on my blog, but I did. I’ve known all along. The built-in Stats feature of Blogger has shown me that you’ve looked at my blog not just once, but 149 times, and never from the same computer twice. I submit to you the evidence from Exhibit A below, unaltered in any way:

russia map

Not only this, but my other blogging friends have told me that you do the same to them. Why, may I ask? What possible value do you gain from reading our tales of swatting flies, being sick, and making coffee?

You may ask, “Why aren’t you mad at the other countries on the list?” Well, not that it’s any of your business, but I actually know people in those other countries, or at the very least, people who have travelled through them whilst reading about our mold problems and our kid’s ministry. Well, maybe not Canada, but at least a lot of them speak English there and never raced us to the moon. But don’t change the subject, Russia—we’re talking about you here.

How would you like it if I read your blog and took notes on what you said about the weather and who came to visit you? I just want you to know that I’m on to you, and I’ll never accidentally post any top secret information on here.

That is all.


  1. I'm just hoping you have a reader in Russia who's using an internet cafe and thus getting random IP addresses.

    And you do know people who've been to Russia within the last year. Some of them twice. ;)

  2. Я читал, потому что ваш blog настолько интересен!

  3. haha so funny! i have creepers in Alaska and the Ukraine...but not as often as you have from Russia!

  4. Я читал, потому что ваш blog настолько интересен! I taught, because your cached credentials are so interesting! Yep I do not get it:(
    We only have 13 hits, wait "views" from Russia. We must not be a threat to the mother country.


  5. Chad says, "You made my week!" Hope that teaches the Russians a lesson.

  6. Chris: stop ruining my fun :)
    Whitney: hilarious.
    Timothy: i don't know what translator you're using, but you should consider switching to I hope your current one hasn't crippled your Spanish progress.
    Chad: you know me--always looking out for the US :)

  7. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed this with the Hunt for Red October music playing the background!!


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